ANAGRAMS:

Presbyterian:                             best in prayer

Astronomer:                              moon starer

Desperation:                              a rope ends it

The eyes:                                    they see

The morse code:                        here come dots

Slot machines:                            cash lost in me

Animosity:                                  is no amity

Election results:                          lies - let's recount

Snooze alarms:                           alas! no more z's

A decimal point:                          I'm a dot in place

The earthquakes:                         that queer shake

Eleven plus two:                          Twelve plus one.

Alec

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic:                     Only 1.  Hands already in the air.

Pentecostal:                     10. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians:                   None.  Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic:               None.  Candles only.

Baptists:                            At least 15.  One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians:                    3.  One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was. 

Mormons:                          5.  One man to the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: ?                      We choose not to make a statement either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists:                      Undetermined.  Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene:                          6. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans:                          None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish:                               What's a light bulb?

(It only takes 1 crime novelist to change a light bulb but they have to give it a dramatic twist at the end).

Alec